So, you think you’re a good pet owner?

Griffin.Last week, my class was discussing the classic book by Linda Reid Banks called I, Houdini. As part of the study discussion questions I had prepared, I asked my students to write a list of tips that they could provide for a pet. Kyumi, fourth grade whiz-kid, decided to choose dog as her pet.

Now, I know many of you have dogs, so I only feel it is my obligation to provide you with this list of helpful hints. It’s a wonder how any of us survived as pet owners without this useful information.

Ten tips I learned for taking care of a dog from movies, stories, books etc.

1. NEVER allow you’re neighbour to open his or her door on hot days or there is a chance that you’re dog will rush into your neighbour’s house, enter the washroom and fall in the toilet. (I Learned this from my mom when she told me her dad’s dog went into her neighbour’s washroom and fell in the toilet.)

2. Never ride a time machine with your German Shepherd to Russia during WW2 or else some random Russian man will shoot your dog. (From the book Saving Zasha.)

3. Try naming your dogs after supermarkets and good things will happen. So name your poodle Thrifty Foods or your Westie Save on Foods. (From Because of Winn Dixie.)

4. Don’t let your sheepdog do all that work in the fields. Make pigs do it! (From the movie Babe.)

5. Dachshunds are also known as Hot Dogs or Weiner Dogs. That doesn’t mean you put ketchup on them and eat them! (From seeing too many pictures of dachshunds wearing hot dog costumes.)

6. When owning a dumb dog, don’t own a fat cat. (From Garfield.)

7. Don’t talk in Spanish while holding your dog or else it will run away and then you will swear in Spanish. (From seeing this Mexican boy in my class have his mom chasing his dog when it was running away.)

8. Don’t put your dead dog in the freezer. (From hearing a story of this man who loved his dog so when it died, he put it in his freezer so if he wants to see his dog, he can just look in the freezer.)

9. Don’t film a video of you being bit by a dog and you showing your bloody finger while screaming and swearing in your mind. (From watching a video of a guy getting bit by his dog.)

10. If your dog has puppies, don’t throw them in a river if you hate them because that’s dumb. Just sell them. (From watching a video of puppies getting thrown into a river.)

Did I mention that I teach creative writing?

5 thoughts on “So, you think you’re a good pet owner?

  1. 2.” Never ride a time machine with your German Shepherd to Russia during WW2 or else some random Russian man will shoot your dog. (From the book Saving Zasha.)”
    I thought you didn’t like random!

    1. I don’t mind the word “random.” I mind the over-use or misuse of the word “random.” (Which is one of the reasons Kyumi included it in her report).

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